Today is my dads birthday, he would have been 75 Yeah for a dad that's old considering I'm only 22. For you that don't know my dad passed away in my arms at 15, that experience has changed many of my views and the way I see people and experiences. I also believe it has been a large contributing factor to my depression, I guess I found out at a young age that nothing will ever be in your life forever and the things that mean the most can be taken away from you. No matter who you are or how good or bad you've been.
I was always a daddy's girl even though some people thought I shouldn't have been due to the mistakes that he made. He was troubled and he had a lot of pain but as a stereotypical man he never spoke about it and for him the bottle was the only way to drown out all the thoughts and in the end it drowned out him.
I find it difficult on his birthday, I want to celebrate the man, friend and dad I knew but he isn't here and he isn't alive. Birthdays are about surviving another year, getting older and growing but the more birthdays that come and go the less of a person he is. People talk less about him, I don't think about him every day like I used to. I am starting to forget how he used to sound, what his hugs felt like, the only thing I do remember is his smell. I have some of his clothes in a box and I smell them, on his birthday I always open the box and I feel like for a moment he his back by my side.
Grief at any age is an ordeal that is never easy, grief has many stages and no time frame to recover from. No matter whether you're 15 or 55 losing a parent or family member is something that will shape you into the person you see now. Through my experience you should never put grief in a box and ignore it, you have to put your adult pants on and deal with all the emotions that come with grief. Acceptance is the final stage and can be the longest it's been 6 years for me and I guess I have only just finally learned that nothing I do will ever regain him in my life.
Whether you believe in reincarnation, heaven or hell or any other place it can be true and you can hold onto that and it makes the pain easier. For me I believe his energy will always be in the universe as energy cannot die, sometimes when I think I can feel him close by I hope its his energy letting me know he is okay.
Dad, forever and always in my heart. Rest easy.
Love Rosie X
I was always a daddy's girl even though some people thought I shouldn't have been due to the mistakes that he made. He was troubled and he had a lot of pain but as a stereotypical man he never spoke about it and for him the bottle was the only way to drown out all the thoughts and in the end it drowned out him.
I find it difficult on his birthday, I want to celebrate the man, friend and dad I knew but he isn't here and he isn't alive. Birthdays are about surviving another year, getting older and growing but the more birthdays that come and go the less of a person he is. People talk less about him, I don't think about him every day like I used to. I am starting to forget how he used to sound, what his hugs felt like, the only thing I do remember is his smell. I have some of his clothes in a box and I smell them, on his birthday I always open the box and I feel like for a moment he his back by my side.
Grief at any age is an ordeal that is never easy, grief has many stages and no time frame to recover from. No matter whether you're 15 or 55 losing a parent or family member is something that will shape you into the person you see now. Through my experience you should never put grief in a box and ignore it, you have to put your adult pants on and deal with all the emotions that come with grief. Acceptance is the final stage and can be the longest it's been 6 years for me and I guess I have only just finally learned that nothing I do will ever regain him in my life.
Whether you believe in reincarnation, heaven or hell or any other place it can be true and you can hold onto that and it makes the pain easier. For me I believe his energy will always be in the universe as energy cannot die, sometimes when I think I can feel him close by I hope its his energy letting me know he is okay.
Dad, forever and always in my heart. Rest easy.
Love Rosie X
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