Not always Rosie

So when things go bad, wrong or I lose something I thought would be in my life forever and end up in what I call a black hole, it has two steps really. The first I pretend it doesn't really matter too much, I drink a lot, smoke a lot and basically let loose but a bit too much its definitely on the fence of being a little crazy but then i have never fallen into the trap of things are either black or white in my life its mostly grey. The second I retreat, I hide myself away regret mistakes I made in the first step from being a drunk mess 90% of the time. I shut down, I barely speak to anyone. I get bad thoughts that definitely interrupt my days and I find myself either full to the brim of emotion or emotionless and in all honesty I am not sure which one is worse. The first step is very short lived in comparison to the second. About 2-3 weeks of crazy and then the worst is that i cannot put a time on the second. The last time I was in a black hole it was a few months. I have a...