Not always Rosie

Anxiety has the skill set of making you feel as if that little something (that would just annoy someone for a second and be over) is the world crumbling around you.  Overthinking is the life you have with anxiety, it's not like a switch it doesn't turn off, it impacts your sleeping your day to day tasks and socialising. I cannot count how many events I have missed from the constant turmoil of questions that face me, who will be there, what if i don't know someone, what if I make a fool of myself, what if I want to go, how do I leave without being rude or causing a scene. I could carry on writing all these questions that face me but that would be more boring than watching paint dry, although depends on the colour paint (just kidding)  The problem I find with anxiety are the small insignificant things to everyone else who doesn't suffer but to me these are problematic and can cause me to overthink to the point I am physically sick, physically in pain and punish mys...

Anxiety is an illness I have had from a very young age which I covered until I needed to seek help alongside my depression. New situations are always very difficult to deal with especially if it involves a number of people you don't know, having to wait on others to leave and if it is going to be a long event. Here are my top tips for dealing with these events. They help me but obviously people use different methods but give them a try and let me know how you get on ! For the first half hour to an hour (or however long till you've calmed those big anxiety waves) stay with someone you know and ask them if they know anyone and aid you with meeting a few new people to help you get the ball rolling. You're all there for the same reason so that gives you a start to the conversation. Meeting new people is always easier with someone you know by your side.  Talk about something you love or know, chances are the person may have similar interests and talking about something you ...

For the last month and a bit I have had really bad physical health. I have had to have injections, blood tests, hospital trips and visiting the doctor twice a week. Alongside this however I encountered the dreaded meds chat. Being physically ill has a toll on your mental health and I had a slight breakdown almost. I could hear things that were not there and I felt like I was being watched I spent hours crying and rocking back and forth. I was lucky that I have a partner that supported me and calmed me down till it was all over, others aren't as lucky. I have been alone in such dark times and it takes more strength than describable to overcome that fatal darkness.  I have learnt that honesty is a key to becoming better and getting the right medication and support. In consequence of this my dosage of depression, anxiety and mood stabilisers were increased. Being sick both mentally and physically puts my pill count to 9 a day. This sometimes does get to me i'm 21 and I feel lik...

Dear M, When I am my most isolated I know that you have a rhythm that will match the pace of my heartbeat, fast when my anxiety is gripping me from within, or slow when my heart wants to give up as much as my mind wants to. I know my ears probably detest you when all I want is to listen to you over and over again louder than what any sane person would recommend. The truth is when you're so loud it's because I need you closer than you could ever be. I need to feel like the song was written for me, about me, to me the list is endless but I need it to revolve around me. You are the sun I owe my existence to you, without you I could not survive but if I come to close, get too deep within you I will burn but it would only be the most precious way to fall or rise, whatever way you want to look at this. I close my eyes and make worlds that children can only dream and draw about. But you're deadly you could make me fly or make me drown with one simple melody. You bring my pai...

Buses suck right? smelly people, bad driving and rude drivers but there is something relaxing about staring out a window with your favourite music watching the world move right pass you. It can make you feel like you're just existing another grain of sand on the beach. But all that is far too negative and when negativity comes in abundance you have to try your best to equal out the score for positivity. Its like a football game in your head, but there is no ball being kicked just your self esteem ! I like to involve myself with people who I see on my journey, no not talking to them, that is far too social for my liking. I give them names, jobs, a life story you name I'll give it to them, this definitely helps when stuck in traffic or at lights that could give statues a run for their money. It's escapism, you feel like a writer they can be anything you can mold them and in a way mold yourself to be kind to them give them nice attributes and stories, however a bad day can...

They say that chocolate releases serotonin (the happy stuff) and I am very inclined to agree. I'm sitting here right now with a bowl of ice cream, even though its wetter outside than Hugh Hefner and its colder than a nuns vagina. It feels good eating things that taste good. I always find in a hard time eating stuff I enjoy makes it better. Although often in these times I don't want to eat or it's hard, making myself have something I usually enjoy creates a break of sunlight in the darkness. Even though this may seem weird there is an enjoyment of being snuggled up in my favourite baggy jumper all warm eating cold ice cream it reminds me of the great cosy nights under a blanket and the hot summer days where you holla down the ice cream van like some ice cream addict and then have the heartbreak when a 99 isn't 99p anymore and its more like £3. When lets be honest, in ASDA (other supermarkets are available) you could get a whole tub for that price, the good shit anyways...

Well I wish there was an interesting story that I could tell you, but it is just the same 'tragic' story that you hear on X factor or BGT. I lost a lot of people on my journey to become an adult one of them being my father. I lost friends both through death and due to, well I guess being caught in a web of despair and being a weird emo chick with eyeliner thicker than a chicken thigh, I mean I don't know the guidelines in the manual of how to cope with death when you're 15 but pretty sure I didn't follow any of them, everyone loves a rebel right?! School was tough, being poor didn't help kids can be cruel about what you do and don't have. Oh and being clever apparently is something to be mocked, I know lets enjoy that now when I'm the one with the degree. Even though yet I haven't achieved anything with it, yet, standard graduate crisis. An turbulent relationship with my mother then gift wrapped my teen years for me with many arguments, which did...