So when things go bad, wrong or I lose something I thought would be in my life forever and end up in what I call a black hole, it has two steps really.
The first
I pretend it doesn't really matter too much, I drink a lot, smoke a lot and basically let loose but a bit too much its definitely on the fence of being a little crazy but then i have never fallen into the trap of things are either black or white in my life its mostly grey.
The second
I retreat, I hide myself away regret mistakes I made in the first step from being a drunk mess 90% of the time. I shut down, I barely speak to anyone. I get bad thoughts that definitely interrupt my days and I find myself either full to the brim of emotion or emotionless and in all honesty I am not sure which one is worse.
The first step is very short lived in comparison to the second. About 2-3 weeks of crazy and then the worst is that i cannot put a time on the second. The last time I was in a black hole it was a few months. I have a feeling that this dark hole may last a bit longer. But of course talking about all that I feel in my head is not my strong point and even though these are words on a screen I still cannot bring myself to say too much on the matter.
It's always tough when you loose a partner, friends, respect from others and yourself, the place you called home and your health. When you loose all of these within a matter of a few months it takes a dramatic toll because your life changes dramatically and its very much unplanned and unwanted.
I guess at this point in time I have to take it day by day and more importantly hour by hour.
Rosie
X
The first
I pretend it doesn't really matter too much, I drink a lot, smoke a lot and basically let loose but a bit too much its definitely on the fence of being a little crazy but then i have never fallen into the trap of things are either black or white in my life its mostly grey.
The second
I retreat, I hide myself away regret mistakes I made in the first step from being a drunk mess 90% of the time. I shut down, I barely speak to anyone. I get bad thoughts that definitely interrupt my days and I find myself either full to the brim of emotion or emotionless and in all honesty I am not sure which one is worse.
The first step is very short lived in comparison to the second. About 2-3 weeks of crazy and then the worst is that i cannot put a time on the second. The last time I was in a black hole it was a few months. I have a feeling that this dark hole may last a bit longer. But of course talking about all that I feel in my head is not my strong point and even though these are words on a screen I still cannot bring myself to say too much on the matter.
It's always tough when you loose a partner, friends, respect from others and yourself, the place you called home and your health. When you loose all of these within a matter of a few months it takes a dramatic toll because your life changes dramatically and its very much unplanned and unwanted.
I guess at this point in time I have to take it day by day and more importantly hour by hour.
Rosie
X
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