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A&E isnt a fun place

So I'm not sure if you're aware but the last 3/4 months iv'e been struggling with illness, this includes extreme pain, sickness, fatigue and near unbearable headaches and a million other things that are unpleasant. There have been many trips to the doctors and hospital for bloods and tests. The doctor is pretty sure I have a condition called ME also known as chronic fatigue syndrome. It affects your day to day life and for the last 4 months or so I haven't really lived just existed.

Two nights ago it got really bad, I had horrific pain in my lower back and couldn't feel my legs or feet. I had to get an ambulance and a lot of drugs to be able to move, it was a horrendous ordeal I have never screamed in pain until then. I've been told my immune system is compromised due to everything else and I have a viral infection that is making my body feel like my muscles and bones are breaking and due to spasm I could also have a trapped nerve from this. Walking is hard and so is movement and I have to use a crutch to walk around, unfortunately I am not rocking this accessory.

I am up to my eyeballs on medication and constantly tired or high the drugs are pretty rocking. Waiting for the referral is the longest wait and it does feel like things are just getting worse. I am now losing hair to the point I am scared to wash my hair then it looks a greasy mess and then self confidence just plummets to an all time low then good ol' depression and anxiety decide to gatecrash the party.

I am very fortunate I have an amazing boyfriend with the support of his family who look after me on a daily basis. However it is not all grey clouds I do have good days where I can get out and do things and I make sure that I have laughed at something every single day, its good for your brain and keeps my skin nice and firm so I don't need botox in fear of turning 80 next year instead of 23 with all this shit going on.

Being this sick and in pain has enlightened me on both my physical and mental strength and that I will be able to get through this and no matter the outcome I will live again and have a normal life. Chronic illness isn't a life sentence. Yes there will be bad days but everyone has those, with the right medication, support and plans in place that's all they will be, a bad day .

for now bed and a hot chocolate calls my name. I hope to be more regular on this again but here's the story to my disappearance yet again. If you or someone you know as ME or a chronic illness I am always willing to speak to people and make friends or give advice or even receive it !

take care guys

Rosie X

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